a million little pieces

is a weird book.

yesterday was the one year anniversary of heath ledger's death.

:(  rip baby

you will always be william thatcher, the knight of my heart. <3

the more i try to avoid the internet

the more i need it.  It's like I'm an addict and it's my drug or something.  But the times i crack (no pun intended) and use it, are some of the times i needed it the most.

-getting maximilian's address

-late night conversations about life and the color of my recent friendships with Amy doll

-catching up with diane.

my favorite thing about my friends and life in general now is how i can actually feel the spirit when we are just talking about things--missions, writing the boys, growing up and getting married...

Thanks to summer 08 and Ben Larson I have learned better than to read into it too far, but i do know that the church is true and that missions are the right thing for my friends to be doing now.

And on the other hand, some things just feel right sometimes, I don't know.  I still have a lot I need to and want to do for me in the next two years.  It's nice to know I'm finally moving forward.

I always have my memories, and my ideas about life when i get doubtful.  

I think i was right :)

I'm glad that i grew up, I'm glad summer 08 happened the way it did; however, i never want to be that stupid again.  Sometimes the grass really is NOT greener on the other side.  It's perfectly green on your side where it's easy to get.  Sometimes even too easy which is why we overlook it and I'm sorry but i was stupid.  I learned now and I'm glad i didn't ruin things over it.

Sometimes you need to fall on your face to see where you are at.  I needed to.

i love everyone that helped me get this far and I am thankful for the true blue friends I finally managed to get, mainly Amy, Maximilian, Dallin, Kaitlin, Diana, Cody, and Saychelle, but there are also all the people who were filler friends.  not in the sense that they were fluff and don't matter, but in the sense that they got be through the rough spots and keep me going.

I think i probably own them the most.

thank you to everyone who never gave up on me and always talked to me and made me feel good about myself when i let boys or other friends take way more energy from me than they deserved.

If you never know misery you can't know happiness.

the love of my life

paper chains

countdowns:

Summer 09

November 2010 

the lovers, the dreamers, and me

I miss amy doll marie benkenstein, but i love modern technology that makes talking from 3 states away just as easy as is was talking from my bedroom to the living room in danbury manor.

I'm glad i finally found some people who are true blue, and amy and bob marley are most def right.

"Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you.  You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." 

I think i finally found a few, and they know who they are <3 

After looking at my last post.

I realized I really like words that stat with M and dont have any letters that hang down like g's and y's.  Like Minnesota.  Millenium.  Montana.  Millhouse..... those sort of things.

I started a song today.

I went to a youth dance.  lolz.  they havent changed since i was a beehive.

I just love being able to look back and see how i have benefited from the ways things worked out, even though at the given time it would have been easier and more desirable to have them work out differently.

I've pulled some pretty amazing things off for me.  I've learned a lot.  I'm just really happy and sort of sad all at once.  but it's the hopeful kind of sad, because i know this is just a part of it all.  and I know things are going up up up.

Minnesota.

the thing i love most about american apparel is that they tell you everything you need to know on their website to make their clothing, belts, and scarves.  The fabric used, the dememsions, even the finish on the edges.

I just love being home and having access to my mom sewing machine and sewing abilities again.  I'm lucky I guess.  My mom is crafty, and i inherited some of it.

P.S school has been canceled the past two days because its so cold!

hello friend. how are you today?

lately I have ben disappointed in:

the weather

speed racer

martian child

my room cleaning progression

I learned a lot about myself these past few days, like where my breaking point is and how much respect I have for those that are so much stronger than me.  God bless.

I wrote maximilian today, he needed to hear the latest happening in my life.  damn cat.

im starting my project

im cleaning my room

im finding/creating a mural.

im getting steps

im growing out my hair

im working out

...the mainland misses you <3

woke up.

drove my mom to work.

got ready for work.

job canceled.

straightened my hair too see how long its gotten.

its gotten long.

took the dogs out.

player with pinkerton.

took a nap.

woke up by pinkerton whining.

picked her up onto the couch.

fell back asleep.

woke up and called my mom.

roads too bad to go out to lunch.

made soup.

cleaned the kitchen a bit.

talked to amy online for hours.

went downtown got my last rabies shot.

went upstairs got antibiotics for cat bite.

out to eat.

saw my ex.

home.

bubbles.

wrote max about my cat bite.

bed.

I still cant believe how hard abby bit me and my mom last night.  Ill take a picture to document the damage done to my leg.  she is satans kitty for sure!

today we got a new baby gate for the dogs.

heres hoping...

Im not even going to make it through these next two years

tonight as i was playing video games and checking my e-mail, i heard the familiar sound of oliver crying in the kitchen.  My mom asked me to put charlotte in the kitchen  to keep him quiet, like we did last night--and it worked great.  So after charlotte had been in there for about an hour i heard the worst, most terrifying sound ever.  If dogs could scream like humans,  this would have been the most blood curtaling scream ever.  

I ran upstairs preparing myself for the worst:  "Oliver snapped and attacked her..."  but that wa not the case.  Charlotte had tried to squeeze thorugh the puppy gate, on the skinniest slot--the one right next to the wall and had got stuch at her neck.  She was freaking out and yanking her head around and trying to free herself, which only made the problem that much worse.  By the time I got to her she was already almost twisted over upsidedown.  I flipped out an started screaming for my mom becuase i just didn't see how her head could fit back through the tiny opening.  It was really pretty easy, we jus had to pick her up to the top where the opening got wider and pull her out.

To make all this a million times worse, abby was there in the hall with us, went completly ballistic, attacked me and my mom both so bad that we were gushing blood, and now on top of rabies shots, i need to get a tetnis shot.

I might not even make it to max's homecoming, but I will try my best.

today is huhot day! :)

Here's the mail it never fails it makes me want to wag my tail, when it comes I want to wail MAIIIILLLL!!!

This week I got a letter from Maximilian AND Dal Pal.  Both sent me pictures too :)

I'm writting Dallin as we speak, and I already bundled up Maxy's little letter and sent it lovingly on its way.  Ima also write Taylor now that I know the secret ways of Mexican Postal Services.

So yesterday I had the overwhelming privilege to work at Mayo High School, and this, among many others, was one of the priceless conversations I got to hear.  I will first set the scene up:

There were 3 black girls sitting on one of the heaters in the foyer--the one the kids always sit on when they are waiting for a ride--they were all wearing either kicks or boots (with the fur) and were talking on their side kicks.

One of the three girls was talking on her phone to a friend and was trying to get a ride...

"Hey!  Where you at?"

"Can chu come pick me up?"

"Why you gotta be like that? I would never do you like that!"

"So you aint gon' come pick me up?"

"I see how it is"

She hung up (probably on them)  and turned to her friend.

"You think I can walk to my house?"

"Oh HELL no.  Your house is farther than the thing!"

So she called another friend.

"Where you at?"

"Oh Dang! get me an application!"

this was when her friend chimed in "Shoot!  get ME an application"

then they went into a frenzy about someone smacking their cousin and how she was going to beat her ass with a book.

god bless america.

I cant believe

no one has commented on my pictures of bull terriers.  they are beautiful.

these are prefect

Can I get you anything else... the heimlic?

was one of the many questions my family was asked today, and I would have laughed if I wasn't choking.  It was only ice, so i didn't need the heimlic--I just had to wait for it to melt a little.

Regardless it was still really scary.  At this rate it really wont even matter if im stil in rexburg when max gets home because I'll be dead.

Anyways, this is what happened:  We sat down to eat and were ordering our food and drinks.  Ice waters all around, pasta for me, pizza for christine, meatloaf for dad and roast beef for my mom.  The drinks came out, and this is where my near death experience  happened.  The drinks did not have straws, which was the downfall.  Instead of picking it up to drink it I just sipped it out of the top, with it still on the table.  That worked untill the water level got too low, and i started slurping.

"Did you blow your nose into your drink?"  my mother said horrified.

"No!  I just cant reach the water anymore"  I said.

"Oh, well drink it from the other side, with your bottom lip on the backside."  was her solution.

I was skeptical, but it worked--a lot better than i expected.  That is why i sucked water into my lungs and lodged an ice cube in my throat at the precise time that our waiter arrived with our food.  At this point i couldn't even breath and was about two seconds from throwing up the two buckets of pop corn I had just eaten at the movie theater. 

When i was gasping for breath and gaging, that was when the waiter finally asked if i was okay and if i needed help.

I really need my own show on MTV. 

BUCKET LIST

First of all there is all the obvious stuff,

like one day getting married

having a family

I guess eventually learning to change diapers and deal with vomit.

But, aside from all of that, there are the things I want to do for me, for my community, and for the world.

-I want to have a friend in all 50 states so I always have somewhere to stay.

-I want to go to greece, australia, london, italy, india, japan, canada, new zealand, south america, and africa.

-I want to die happy, fulfilled and accomplished.

-I want to read the book of mormon while i am home winter 09.

-I want to learn about the planets.

-I want to make a cd, write a book, and produce a short film.

-Go on a mission trip

-go to seattle, portland, boston, NYC, hollywood, vegas, and omaha

Marley and me.

Dogs are truely man's best friend.  I think the quote in the movie was something about how dogs love you no matter what, you can be funny or dull, fat, beautiful, smart, stupid, a dog is always going to love you; always make you feel important, special, pr unique.  No human will ever treat you that way.  The part I remember for sure is "Give a dog your heart and he will give you his back."

I fell like dogs have been on my mind a lot lately.  Maybe its oliver, maybe its the fact I still really miss zuzu, maybe its actually having dogs back in my life, i don't really know why but i do know that pinkerton has my heart.  Even as we speak she is curled up beside me snoring.  I love her so much; she has my heart, but I know I have hers too.

The Michael Vick Dogs

There is a special on TV tonight about the Michael Vick dogs that were rescued from his dog hell--okay first of all, he named his operation "Bad Newz Kennel".   A z?  Honestly?  Are you a 13 year old girl?

I think that people who use animals for their own personal pleasure, slaves, and entertainment are the lowest of low.  For real, betting on dogs who are abused, terrified, and trained to kill each other.  It doesn't get much lower...  I can't see why anyone would want to participate in that.  And someone running it... doesn't deserve to be alive anymore.

Seeing the ways these dogs act now around people and other dogs makes me want to cry, and seeing the way they were treated before they got rescued makes me sick to my stomach.  

There is so reason people should ever treat animals like that.

They were beaten and abused their entire lives, the ones that were nice and wouldn't fight were either used as bait dogs to train the aggressive ones to fight, or killed by being shot, hanged, electrocuted or beaten against the ground.

He should be locked up for life and go to hell.