0024.

this has been

the best weekend

to date.

0023.

Valentine's Day.

Not your traditional, but still the best one I've ever had.

0022.

[: elpmet pirt.

0021.

I write the songs.

I write the songs!

You said I'm doin'  it wrong.

you ARE doin' it wrong!!

p-p-p-put your crystals under my pillow...

The unicorns are a treasure--they are one of the most precious gem stone possible; somewhere between rubies and diamonds.

Thank you late night skate videos for introducing them to me, and to Collin James Sandoe for bringing yesterday back around, and helping us make up for lost time.

I love how sayings, or speech patterns in general, spread like wildfire--or a plague--among friends.  I've noticed people having whole conversations with the same inflections and dialect I would use after hanging around them for only a few months.  It's hard to tell who things even came from, what is you, and where you picked other things up from.

It's like how people say "you can't tell where one stops and the next one begins" about ples of kittens or puppies.  Everyone's speech patterns melt into everyone else's and noone is unique anymore.  At least not until you go to a completely new clique, then they are all the same within their own krew.

Spoken word is taken for granted, the human voice is one of the most beautiful and powerful things around, but I think sometimes people take speech for granted. For real.

I guess I'm interested in the obscure, basic things that make up the rest of the world more than other people are, but I still think it's kind of sad how monotone the world is becoming.  Not even monotone.  Just--similar, uniform, controlled....  

Laughs aside, If it it weren't for timbre,   I wouldn't even be able to tell at lest 3 of my friends apart when they are talking if i couldn't see them.

Speech is the main way we communicate with eachother.  how sad is it that it's all becoming one melting pot?

...I'm just saying.

0020.

Megaphones over funnels.

What that means to me.

Basically, when you have a problem, you tend to look for the easy way out:  the one solution that will always always always work.  Time in, time out, never let you down.  5+2 will always equal 7.

This is thinking through funnels.

When you expand and look at all the other solutions that could also get you the same, or a similar solution, that is thinking though megaphones.  (1+6, 3+4, 8-1 etc. also all equal 7)

Basically, it's exactly what it sounds like.  Megaphones amplify things and project them much further than they would normally go.   Funnels narrow the travel path of things and force them into places they would never be able to fit--or even try to go-- on their own.

Charlotte got fixed--and got 9 teeth pulled--the other day, and is now recovering.  She is doing well, but it's always scary to have big things happen to such tiny dogs.

0019.

If the world's at large why should I remain?

0018.

Today I spent at least 7 hours traveling to and attending church and church events.  This coming week is going to be filled with FHE, enrichment, temple trips and it's going to be the very best week ever.

Tomorrow is my last day with the kindergarten classes I have been working with the last week and a half.  I'm bringing them in valentines because both groups decorated valentine bags this past week.

One of the things I got to go to tonight was Standards Night for the Lacrosse branch.  The video they showed us was the cheesiest thing I've ever seen, including American Mall, but it was still really good.

I set three goals for 2009 from The Strength Of youth pamphlet.

They told us to make them public so we are more likely to meet them.

-Education:  Take education seriously and do all I can to gain a proper and full education while I am here on earth.  I would really like to get a 4.0 this summer or at the very least a 3.5; I think I should be able to do that if i try hard and stay on top of things.

-Tithing:  Pay a full tithe. ALWAYS.

-Service:  Do my best to make a difference in someone's life.  Everyday I want to do something up uplift someone else.  Just small things like say hello or smile at people.  Once a week I want to do something bigger for someone.

I just love sundays.

0017.

the only think that could have made today better was a letter.

It's friday, i get to go snowboarding, and i get to sleep in tomorrow.

ballin.

0016.

I can't find my glasses.

I need to clean my room.

I still haven't heard from Maximilian.

At least I know Dal Pal is getting my letters.

I am going to finish cleaning my room this weekend and next week and maybe even paint it next saturday.

0015.

I want a French Bull Dog.

I want to get a black and white bull terrier and name it penguin.

0014.

Summer 09 Bucket List.

After a pretty rough and gnasty frosh year, I have decided to stop being so stupid, set some goals, and get over myself.  This semester went a lot better but I know there is still so much I can do better this summer.

-Devotional every week.

-curfew.

-temple at least every three weeks.

-Music Outlet with Saychelle at least once.

-work out  3 days a week

-4.0 (3.5 very minimum)

-do something nice for someone else at least once a week.

-have a great escape at least once a month.  Just me.  maybe once with a friend.

-go to R mountain.

-go to the library between classes.

-get tutors.

-don't eat out.

-don't buy things i don't need, with the exception of art supplies and food i don't really want to buy anything.

-Prayer Rock.

-go for a bike ride every day.

-sunday naps/scripture reading in porter park.

-keep my room clean

-write a poem a week.

-and a song a month.

-say hi to 3 new people a day.

-make time for others in my day.

-get involved.

-go to ward activities.

-hopefully get a calling.

-Look into that internship and hopefully work out a way to do it.

-Eat healthier.

-read the scriptures every night.

-at least never miss more than one night at a time.

-get into the habit of morning prayers.

-read lots of good books and talks and church leader books.

-get into art: painting, drawing, everything.

-start reading poetry.

-spend at least one afternoon a week in the library browsing.... make it thursdays.

-Read my PB every sunday.

-WRITE THE BOYS!

-care packages.

-WRITE home.

-go green.er.

Im sure there will be more to come.

0013.

Institute was canceled tonight.  Grace called me to let me know, and told me about some upcoming activities.  What a peach. 

Still haven't heard from maximilian.

still havent...

0012.

Today was the first night i worked with the achievement girls.  It was really fun, I like tweens.  Believe it.  

We made name tags and decorated cookies.  We just kind of got to know each-other this week.  The ladies I work with are so nice and sweet. 

 I'm really glad i got a calling that isn't nursery while I am home.

Next time we meet there will be games and snacks and good times all around.

It's only every other week, so thats nice.  I already had so skip out on a YSA activity tonight because of Achievement.

Ima go to institute tomorrow though, and hopefully FHE next week.  

If i can figure out when and where it meets.

Pinkerton and Charlotte are cuddling on the couch next to me.  So presh, and flabby is yowling because she wants food.  

0011.

Baby hippos, among many other baby animals, (with the exception of humans) are the most presh.

Although they could break you like a glowstick when they grow up, they are absoutly adorable when they are itty-bitty.

To make them even more perfect there is such thing as a pygmy hippopotamus.

I think this is a straight up hippo, but it's still precious. 

0010.

Something about space and planets has always been very interesting to me.  I use to love going to the planetarium  more than anything in elementary school.  To night as I was driving home from Kaitlin's at about midnight, I noticed the moon was very low in the sky, and very orange.  I drove out a bit into the country and looked at it for a while.

Then I headed home and had the urge to look up into the sky again.  I leaned in over my steering wheel, and my eyes instantly found a shooting star.  I wished on it.  I felt it was there for me.

I could have sworn I even heard the star whizz by me.

I drove home and around my side of town for about 30 minutes trying to find a place I could see the moon from but I couldn't get high enough.

I just really love space and night--borderline morning.

I fell like part of me goes to sleep and the essence of me can come out.  I always feel more at peace late at night that I do during the day.  maybe thats why I am such a night owl.  I wrote a huge journal entry about it once.  I said I felt like after my brain and body shut down, I was left with my only my spirit awake.

That probably seems really weird to a lot of people, because I tend to think in a very metaphoric way and at a very rapidly pace, so it's hard for me to hold on to a thought long enough to put it in terms other people can understand.

Maybe thats why I like Bright Eyes so much.  I feel like he writes the way I think.

I miss Idaho, Amy Doll, Porter Park, Maximilian, and Summer Nights.

Pretty much everything I do, see, or expierence reminds me of one of the above.

I love Pinkerton, and church, and Kaitlin and my family.

I am lucky to have two cities, so far away, and that I can call both Home.

I'm glad I got to go away for college.

I'm glad I finally decided to get over myself and grow up.

And I'm happy that summer 08 happened the way it did, even though I was not happy through most of it.

0009.

So, I'm just at home. alone. waiting for the girl who watched Pinkerton this weekend to bring her back.  so i wont be alone.  I have charlotte and oliver but it's not the same...

She's 20 minutes late.  Maybe I am a paranoid person...

I was late to church today....whoops.

I got my calling.  

I missed my stastaining. 

(sorry I don't know how to spell it... I can't say it either.)

Kristen Welker however was kind enough to tell me i got a calling though after Sacrament meeting was done.  I did already know becuase my father, the bishop of the 5th ward, had told me about it and told me to be on time to get stastained.

I went to sunday school with the missionaries.  We learned about agency and the lords plan for us.

My mom found the GC Ensign for me, and I started reading it today.  

The people who have stinky just called and are going to being her by soon--I have been touched by an angel.

I think I'm going to start painting while I am home and work on poetry and guitar and everything.  

It's not seasonal depression, it's more like locational.

I miss Idaho, I miss having friends, I miss the spirit of ricks.

I hope I don't marry someone who needs to be away from home a lot, because I don't know how well I could handle that.  I do know that if he does I'm going to need a lot of dogs.

It's mostly being home alone with nothing to do that drives me crazy.  I've gotten a lot lot lot better at being alone, it's just having down time that I still can't seem to handle.  I need rules and guidelines and due dates and projects.

I need to have something to do. 

Always.

0008.

Baby Charlotte is the most presh.

When I was helping my Mom clean out her closet the other day we found a bag FULL of stuffed Pikachus.  Like 20 of them, no lie.  It also had some pictures of pokemon, trading cards, and about 50 little plastic pokeballs from McDonald's.  Only about 10 of the toys that came in the Pokeballs were still there.

Charlotte apparently liked this Picachu and took it over as a day bed--along with abby's bed, abby's tent, pinkerton's bed, oliver's upstairs bed and downstairs bed, the couch, and any thing soft she can get on.

0007. Peter Max

 I found a book about the pop artist Peter Max in the library.  Something about the cover drew my eyes to it, and i had to touch it.  then see it.  then check it out.

it was littered with treasures, including an entire essay!

0006.

The more I work in kindergarten rooms, and the more I read about crazy people, and the less I sleep at night the crazier I feel.

No wonder little kids get distracted so easily.  The walls in their class rooms are covered--cieling to floor--with what can only be called crap: pictures, calendars, posters, paintings, steamers, letters, numbers, number lines, animals, shapes, words, art work, fabric, and bulletin boards for hanging even more crap.  

Sure it's good to stimulate their minds, but there is such a thing as over stimulation; which has been knows to lead to seizures, fits, and even death.

Working with kids has made part of me really excited about having a family one day; however, it makes the other part of my want to get my ovaries surgicly removed so I neved have to run that risk.

0005.

There was this fad that went around facebook

no not bumper stickers.  

thats not a fad it's a passtime

like tennis 

or video games. 

This fad was a one way ticket into one's heart and soul

via 25 fast facts.

and no piano.

i love love love stuff like this

like making lists

and the vainness of getting to write about myself is unfortunately rather appealing... 

And so it begins...

1.  I was born without a healthy fear of strangers.  I like people so I talk to them.  I think everyone is worth getting to know, they just aren't all worth keeping up with.  There are too many genuine characters in the world to waste script on posers.

2. I think art is what kept us alive.  If one thing has bridged the cultural gap, age gap, and every-other gap in existence:  it has been art.

3. I want to go to the Hoosier State.... I also want to know what a hoosier is.

4. I love stuff.  Things that other people would usually throw away or over look, that stuff makes me.  Even my own old stuff--I could spend days looking through boxes of old things.  If you ever take me to a flea market, you better have all day.

5.  Pinkerton is Perfect.  Dog and album.  Nuff said.

6. "I feel like I've been asleep for most of my life" -Claire, Elizabethtown.  I think summer 08 was when my alarm clock went off, the 7 week break was when I hit the snooze button, and this past fall was when I layed in bed, turned on the lights, and finally shook of the blankets and awoke from the coma like slump I had been living if for the past years of my life.

7.  I love people really easily.  And I tell them.  I say it a lot, but i always mean it.  I'm really worried that when i am IN love with someone and try to tell them, they wont understand because I am sure I will have already told them "I Love You" multiple times.

8. I don't think I've been in love yet.

9. The mailbox is quickly becoming my best friend.

10.  One of the coolest things about libraries is the things you find in the books.  Not like facts, and stories, and knowledge but things.  Like news paper clippings and receipts and bits of cardboard and paper.  One mans trash is my treasures.

11.  I have a ton of cigar boxes.  I might not be at liberty to tell you how I got them--I got them empty though.  Don't get me kicked out of school.  I use them to keep things that are really important to me.  Like letters from my friends on missions, tithing, and head bands.  I think I might start one for things found in library books and on the ground.

12. I am terrified of the Tower of Terror.  Fitting huh?  When I went to disney land for thanksgiving 07 my sister and her friend talked me into going on it.  I asked the girl who was seating us if i was going to die.  Her responce?  "Someday, yes.  hopefully not tonight."  I also threw my gum down the elevator shaft because I was afraid i was going to choke on it.  I was hoping no body saw, but they did.

13.  I think people in general are really funny. Not like haha pwn the noob funny, but genuinely funny.  So many people are so clever and witty and hilarious if you stop to listen to them.  Especially little kids and african americans.

14.  I hope I find my place in the world before I have to leave it.  I don't know but big ambition and pro status procrastination seem like opposite forces to me.  Adding impulsion and short attention spans seem to be the ultimate K.O. There are so many things that I want to do and see and experience, and I honestly want to do them and am willing to make the sacrifices, I just forget I do a lot.  Like homework.

15.  The l.i.b. is the place to be.  This fall I learned just how lucky we are to have Public Libraries, Libraries on campus, and libraries in general.  I mean you can pretty much read any book you could ever dream of reading, and not have to pay a cent.  Call me cheep but I need to save my money for more important things, like taco bell and shoes.

16.  If reincarnation does exist, I hope I come back as Lil' Mama.

17.  I think Marshal "Eminem" Mathers is extremly talented and clever.  It's too bad he's also extremely perverted.

18. I stayed up for 42+ hours once.  I recomend trying it at least once.

19.  Sometimes I wonder if i need medication.  I took adderall when I was little and I'm not so sure they should have weaned me off of it so fast.  True: it's not very often, but sometimes things get into my brain and I can NOT shake them.  Aslo true:  It made me really weird and borderline zombie-esque.  I guess being slightly neurotic and paranoid is better than being a shell of my former self.

20. I haven't met many people I can't stand.   or even dislike for that matter, but when I do it's like, epic proportions.  I know it's my downfall, not theirs.  I'm working on it.

21. Amy Doll Marie Benkenstein was a precious blessing from above.  If anything living with me has prepared her to be a mother, and she is going to be the best mother ever if my judgement counts for anything.  She is caring, loving, domestic, and crafty.  A triple threat and a bonus jonas.  

22. I probably am a little bit legit crazy.  Like in the neurotransmitters sense... but it takes all types and at least I'm usually good for a story of a laugh--even if it is at my expense.

23. I just want to live.  Could Good Charlotte be any more truthful?  Being alive is necessary, but LIVING is  exceptional.

24.  You don't understand my people.  It took me a long time to get to where I am so please don't shake my little bit of earth I finally got under my feet.

25.  I really am a lucky girl.  I have pretty much everything I could have ever wanted and I am so grateful for it all.  Friends, family, house, job, dogs... I am seriously so blessed.