3.00 AM: insomnia

Is it okay that even though I don't have a boyfriend--or plan on getting married anytime soon--I have already made the following decisions about my wedding:

-I want my colors to be brown and goldenrod so I can have sun flowers in my bouquet

-I want the wedding party to release doves

-I want my first dance to be to "first day of my life" by bright eyes.  (cheesy?  don't care.)

-I want to get married in the SLC temple

-I want a reel dee-jay at my reception 

and set the following requirements for my future eternal roommate:

-He's gotta be tall enough that I can wear heels around him

-He's gotta be able to make my LAUGH until I can't stand up anymore

-He's gotta be adventurous and spontaneous but still responsible and spiritual

-He's gotta NOT say "dude" or use the words "fag", "gay", or " retarded" in casual talking

-He's gotta be an returned missionary and care about the church

-He's gotta be smart

-He's gotta like to travel 

-He's gotta think I am beautiful inside and out, and be able to deal with my crazy

-He's probably gotta be a little bit crazy too...

He will preferably:

-have dimple

-have dark hair and light eyes

-be musical and artistic

-be well read so we can talk about books

Having friends get married or start seriously dating is... really weird.  We are all still so young, and marriage is  E-TER-NAL!  It's a BIG deal to decide to hitch yourself to someone for the rest of time.

I guess for me it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do right now.  I just want to work on me for a while, have a few more years of fun and still be able to be selfish for a little while longer.

I just want to use this time to work on me and try to be the best version of me that I can be.  

I'm only 20 and there are still a l.o.t of things I am figuring out about myself.