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Sunday, February 1, 2009

0010.

Something about space and planets has always been very interesting to me.  I use to love going to the planetarium  more than anything in elementary school.  To night as I was driving home from Kaitlin's at about midnight, I noticed the moon was very low in the sky, and very orange.  I drove out a bit into the country and looked at it for a while.
Then I headed home and had the urge to look up into the sky again.  I leaned in over my steering wheel, and my eyes instantly found a shooting star.  I wished on it.  I felt it was there for me.
I could have sworn I even heard the star whizz by me.
I drove home and around my side of town for about 30 minutes trying to find a place I could see the moon from but I couldn't get high enough.
I just really love space and night--borderline morning.
I fell like part of me goes to sleep and the essence of me can come out.  I always feel more at peace late at night that I do during the day.  maybe thats why I am such a night owl.  I wrote a huge journal entry about it once.  I said I felt like after my brain and body shut down, I was left with my only my spirit awake.

That probably seems really weird to a lot of people, because I tend to think in a very metaphoric way and at a very rapidly pace, so it's hard for me to hold on to a thought long enough to put it in terms other people can understand.
Maybe thats why I like Bright Eyes so much.  I feel like he writes the way I think.

I miss Idaho, Amy Doll, Porter Park, Maximilian, and Summer Nights.
Pretty much everything I do, see, or expierence reminds me of one of the above.
I love Pinkerton, and church, and Kaitlin and my family.
I am lucky to have two cities, so far away, and that I can call both Home.
I'm glad I got to go away for college.
I'm glad I finally decided to get over myself and grow up.
And I'm happy that summer 08 happened the way it did, even though I was not happy through most of it.

0009.

So, I'm just at home. alone. waiting for the girl who watched Pinkerton this weekend to bring her back.  so i wont be alone.  I have charlotte and oliver but it's not the same...
She's 20 minutes late.  Maybe I am a paranoid person...
I was late to church today....whoops.
I got my calling.  
I missed my stastaining. 
(sorry I don't know how to spell it... I can't say it either.)
Kristen Welker however was kind enough to tell me i got a calling though after Sacrament meeting was done.  I did already know becuase my father, the bishop of the 5th ward, had told me about it and told me to be on time to get stastained.
I went to sunday school with the missionaries.  We learned about agency and the lords plan for us.
My mom found the GC Ensign for me, and I started reading it today.  

The people who have stinky just called and are going to being her by soon--I have been touched by an angel.

I think I'm going to start painting while I am home and work on poetry and guitar and everything.  
It's not seasonal depression, it's more like locational.
I miss Idaho, I miss having friends, I miss the spirit of ricks.

I hope I don't marry someone who needs to be away from home a lot, because I don't know how well I could handle that.  I do know that if he does I'm going to need a lot of dogs.
It's mostly being home alone with nothing to do that drives me crazy.  I've gotten a lot lot lot better at being alone, it's just having down time that I still can't seem to handle.  I need rules and guidelines and due dates and projects.
I need to have something to do. 
Always.