Today I had a meeting for my Eurotrip this summer, I am ecstatic. I decided that i am only going to be in the hotel room the hours they require us to. I also decided I am going to make a Eurotrip Bucketlist.
So, maybe I do want my life to be like an indie movie... I think it's because I want to be alive and free like the characters in them--and I don't think thats always a bad thing. I'm not reckless with other peoples hearts (I know this because I'm the one who gets hurt every-time). I try hard not to do things that affect other people, unless it lifts them up. I try to be true to myself, but we all fall short at times and in different areas. Thats why we have friends--to hold us up where we are weak.
THIS WEEKEND WAS SERIOUSLY SO INFINITE.
I have recently been reminded of just how much I LOVE light. First of all light is symbolic of good things, which is rad, but i love physical light even more.
And mainly three kinds of lights:
head lights/tail lights, skylines, and stars.
The coolest thing to me is that these are all big collections of smaller, single lights... and each individual light has it's own story, but then together all the stories come together and make up our cities and our life's and our cultures and... everything.
The headlights all file down the streets in a organized line into the skylines. From there they all disperse to their own homes and appointments and stories, and the stars watch it all.
-If it's a clear night, pull over, get out of your car, and look at the stars. Then remember everything good in your life and remember sometimes it's okay to just enjoy the ride.
-If you are driving and see something you want to get closer to. Stop, pull over, and go look at it. Maybe even pick a flower for your journal.
-Night is the best time of day becasue it's when all the lights come on and all the dreams come out.
basically I can sum it all up to this: If you are curious, go explore. Louis and Clark that because that's how we learn about the world we live in and how we grow to be ready to take it all in stride.
This weekend I was lucky enough to come down to Utah with my friend Cody. Her ride bailed on her last minute, and I needed a great escape, so I offered to drive her down if she would put me up while we were there--great trade off. Everything about this trip so far has been infinite, and we still have today and as much of monday as we want to invest.
We did sleep through church though, which i feel bad about.
Friday after classes we drove down to Logan, and got in at about 8 or 9 o'clock. The drive was easy and fun. Good music, good people, good time. We didn't know much about our plans for the evening other than the fact that we were going to a dance party and when it's dance and party, I am always in. When we got to her aunt's house I started talking to her cousin about Minnesota because he served his mission there and we pretty quickly made a list of other missionaries we both knew, and as it happened, we were going to Elder Benson's for this party. wild.
Let me try to paint a picture as well as i can:
Roll up to the cutest college kid house ever (with a working mail flap on the front wall) and walk into the home of a boy I knew as a missionary. In the corner there is a storage bin that is being used as a punch pool. The deejay is great--editing is priceless. Fun kids, and great music. I haven't just gotten to dance since summer 08.
So that was already a great weekend, but it doesnt stop there.
After a severe night's rest on the floor of Cody's aunt's house we got ready for the day and headed into Ogden Utah for Winterfest 2010.
"okay a. I now feel MUCH better about myself, b. this is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever done, and c. this is fun so lets enjoy the ride." nuff said.
After that we went down to SLC for the night and it was a dream. I saw the Joseph Smith film, and Sister Morris, and the temple all in one night. I also got to see Brent and hang out with Brady and Tori and Jack and Griff for a little bit in SLC.
After that Me and cody just took some time to explore SLC before going back home to Logan for the night.
The actual compilation that is my bucket list is scattered throughout several journals, notebooks, sketch pads, and bed room walls back home; the mental version is probably lacking some of the context, but is still a pretty good draft.
I totally love each and every one of my friends, but sometimes I feel like when you spend all of your time with the same people you turn into each other. You develop the same mannerism, speech habits, jokes... I mean, it's good to have bonds and things that bring you together, but sometimes I feel like I loose my own identity to a more common one. That's not a bad thing. It's really fun to have inside jokes and things that everyone can relate to that bring us together. It makes us feel at home, and being home is very important. (In fact, we learned about coming home to the people we love today in devotional.) I don't know if any of this makes sense outside of my head...
I do however know that I am very grateful to all of my friends at BYU-Idaho (and throughout the rest of the country) and I am grateful for the way they have all helped me grow into me and figure out who I was and more importantly, who I could be. What my potential might be. I love that everyone here has been so friendly and so welcoming toward me. And I'm glad they have been patient with me when I am shy or stubborn or anxious about the future.
I'm not saying I want to stop hanging out with anyone, or that I am over my current friends. I'm just saying that I have come so far and I am eager to keep going. I love everything that I have in my life right now, but sometimes I want to know what else is out there. What else I can learn about and see and do. What else I can become.
This is a new decade. A new year. I'm 20.
It's time to do something and make something of myself. My years of being young and free are probably getting numbered and I just want to try and be the best version of me that I can be, because once you meet someone and settle down, your life is never completely your again. It's going to be new and exciting and great; however, it's also going to be shared.
Being an art major was never even a blip on my radar. I mean, I was always fascinated by art and made time to do it on my own, but as a career or a job... I dunno. It just didn't match up. Actually, considering my history as a dreamer, it seems like a decision I would have made--I just didn't. I guess something just didn't add up. What do you do when you already love what you do but need to check on an old equation?