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Wednesday, June 30, 2010


You said the world’s got you dizzy again
and maybe we’ll never get use to the spin,
but we all know how to do what we should
and just staying idle wont do any good.

Maybe we’ll never get use to the spin,
and only get older with each passing turn,
But just staying idle won’t do any good,
So go and let fires of passion all burn.

We only get older each time the earth spins,
And fall into patterns and habits and trends.
But if we let fires and passions all burn,
Then maybe we’ll come out all right in the end.

We fall into patterns and habits and trends
and we all know how to do what we should,
so maybe we’ll all come out okay in the end
even if the earth gets us dizzy again.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


I know the back roads better than the main.
And traveling them I feel the most at home,
when the city lights are mirrored in the stars
and I'm completely--utterly--alone.

Yes, traveling them, I feel the most at home
and anxieties are most often at bay—
when I'm completly--utterly--alone,
and only the bright cosmos guide my way.

when my anxieties are most often at bay,
I find my mind on things that matters most.
When only the bright cosmos guide my way,
it's then that I am freed from all my ghosts.

And with my mind on things that matters most,
when the city lights are mirrored in the stars,
it's then that I am freed from all my ghosts.
Tis why I know the back roads 'fore the main.


From under borders marked by sun’s degree,

came one whose voice could sooth my aching soul.

And even if you never know of me,

know that my love burns ever bright as coal.

At first from noble mount you caught my eye,

from there you conquered desert’s stinging scorn.

To have your lips part with my name I try

to hear each time the sun brings in new morn.

What fine to thee do I owe for that love

that fills my whole, my life, with hope renewed?

And even all the birds from up above,

can sense my ever growing gratitude.

And evermore your eye I truly tried,
with sweeping motions me allow inside.

some things never change...



Saturday, June 26, 2010

Holy matrimony and war.

When I leave here, my college career is definitely going to be marked by the summers.  When else will i get to go from this...

to this 
in one day!?

Today was the bridal shower for my good friend Saychelle, it was the first one I have been to for a friend and it's kind of weird knowing that all my friends are starting to get married!
Saychelle is so great and i am so glad she found her eternal roommate.
She was half of my band last summer.
She was the first person to make me really realize i need to stand up for myself.
and She is fab fab FAB!

After that I came home and prepared for the city wide water fight my friend ford orchestrated.  Red v. Blue; East v. West.

Lately I have been super anxious again about friends and my short comings and my flaws and all those bad things that get trapped in my head.  Today was good.  It showed me i do have friends that care about me and that I am not boring.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


Roadtrips to SLC
Max and summer 08
cute peek-a-poohs
rob and big
summer oh mine
...I even miss Abby
Baby Logan and T.H.U.G parties
Bike Rides
Paramore hair
being young and free
weekend trips
Taking a boat to france from england

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Days Past; Days to come.

I I I miss red hair.
I I I love this.
I I I want to go home.

look at book


lost my marbles...

I have good memories kept on my marbles,
good advice, and passages read.
I organized them by relevance,
And kept them up in my head.

Then one day a stranger came,
And I fancied him straight away.
But as it turned out he wasn’t what I thought,
He was rather dull and grey.

I, however, had already thought,
How I would love to be with him.
And even though I knew he was not
The one the feelings set in.

And now my marbles are all askew,
And falling out of my head.
I can’t seem to find a sensible one
So all I can do is dread.

I chased the "smart" one as far as I could
But it slipped under the fridge.
I guess that’s why I just can’t seem
To help myself and burn a bridge.

The funny ones are not much use,
When jokes can’t make me laugh.
And I’m ashamed to admit
I’ve cried on his behalf.

Tears flowed from my aching eye,
In rivers to the floor.
As I slowly watched my marbles all
Rolling out the door.

Maybe someone who needs them more
Than I will take them home,
And use them for a moment
Till they too are left alone.

And on and on my marbles go,
helping those in need,
Till at last we are all free
--that is my only plead.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Facts are These...

  1. I am going to be up all night
  2. It's freezing in here
  3. I am having the worst time trying to write this paper about Heathcliff
  4. I just want to go look at the stars and not worry about papers about Heathcliff
  5. I miss minnesota
  6. I am almost 21
  7. I want a volcano burrito
  8. my cell phone's battery lasts about half a day now
  9. I miss europe
  10. I miss pinkerton
  11. I miss my sister and my friends on missions
  12. I never hang out with people anymore
  13. I spend all my time reading
  14. I usually like it
  15. I spend more time in the library than i do at home most days
  16. I am excited we are on a poetry unit in Creative Writting
  17. The semester is almost over
  18. It's crunch time
  19. I want chocolate
  20. I want a dog at school
  21. I want letters!
  22. I want to travel more
  23. I want to join the Peace Corps
  24. I want to go on a mission
  25. I want to be done with school
  26. I never want to be done with school
  27. I want to learn to sing
  28. I want to learn to paint
  29. I want to live in LDN
  30. I want to live in Rome
  31. I want to live in Boston
  32. I want to live in Paris
  33. I want to live in California
  34. I want to go to outer space
  35. I still miss Zuzu
  36. I still miss Boomer
  37. I still miss fluffy
  38. I still almost cry if I think about it too long
  39. And Ringo
  40. I want Max back
Late classes are the worst lazy maker of all!! It's 10 30, I've been up for half an hour and i don't have class for another hour!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

Today was Father's day; I got to call home and talk to my mom and dad. They are redoing the kitchen and are both pretty excited about it--from what I hear it should be beautiful!
We had a really good lesson in R.S. today about the priesthood and preparing to be wives worthy of priesthood holders. It was very powerful and very good.

I love sundays.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Now I Know How to Save a Life

He was a mess—roasting in the hot summer sun, completely helpless, and alone. He had come from the sky like a fallen angel, and he lay there, on the hot sidewalk, waiting for death to come take him. There were others like him that were even less fortunate than he, the light had gone from their eyes already. People had been passing him all day; people too busy with their mundane lives to pay him any more attention than “how sad” or “poor thing” before they went along their busy way. He had fallen from his home and was in a foreign land with no mother, no knowledge of this new world, and no chance of ever making it home on his own.
She was an animal lover by nature (maybe that’s why her mother didn’t try to reason with her or tell her “no”). She was on her way back to the car, ready to leave her horse at the fair for the night—satisfied with the water level, bedding, and animal's happiness. One last kiss to Cricket’s velvety nose and she was out the door, and down the walk, heading for her mom’s silver van. The plastic werewolf (dubbed ‘wolfman’) from a Taco Bell kid’s meal eaten over a year ago was still there, taped to the antenna—right where Katie had originally put it, a failed practical joke. As she got closer she could see it come into focus: light brown with tattered black pants and no shirt—like the incredible Hulk. That was when they met.
“Mom!”… “MOM!”
“There’s a baby bird!”
“It fell out of its nest….. What do we do?”
Lynda knew her daughter well enough to understand that they did have to do something—Katie would never leave something like this entirely to the fates to determine an outcome. Over the span of her relatively short life, their house has been a foster home to bunnies, snakes, turtles, tadpoles, quail, ducks, butterflies, and anything else she could catch.
Less than an hour later this stranger to our world had a new home, a family, and a name.
Max, like any baby, needed attention and care. The internet provided Katie with a list of needed ingredients to make food for a baby bird, and a digital alarm clock provided her with a regulated feeding schedule. Not one to ever get up before the sun, Katie found herself up just hours after midnight to feed Max. I guess there is logic behind the saying “up with the birds” she thought to herself one morning as she cut the tip off of a McDonalds straw to make a small spoon to feed her pet. “Peep, peep, peep?” Max would ask, his yellow beak wide open and his bald head back. He looked exactly like the Starvin’ Marvin toy Katie and her sister Christine had played with as kids. “PEEP, PEEP!” he continued as soon as he saw food was coming. That was the routine, ever couple hours for days on end. Max would cry, and Katie would get up to tend to him. His home (a spare storage bin that was missing its top and had been fitted with a heat lamp, blanket, makeshift grass nest, and sticks) had to be cleaned weekly, his water changed daily. The cat had to be kept as a safe distance and her bedroom door had to be kept shut.
Max grew fast, and came everywhere as an honorary member of the Fleming family, including weekend trips to the family cabin. One weekend in particular happened to coincide perfectly with the day max learned to fly. Between strings around yellow legs to keep Max from flying away, first baths in Frisbees, and clumsily trying to convince bugs to leap into his gaping mouth, it was a weekend of growth and memories.
From then on Max was making changes and progress daily. Within a few days he could fly well enough that the spiteful housecat was getting to be a hazard. When Max went fully aerial, he was relocated to the back yard. The front door had to be carefully monitored for the sake of visitors unaccustomed to a wild bird landing on their head upon reaching the front steps. Katie was out the door before the guest were out of their cars, gathering Max from various heads, shoulders, and backs. “Don’t hurt him! He’s mine!” Hers, and he was; He belonged to her, and she to him. They shared a special bond of love and respect toward each other.
The day Max stopped coming home altogether was a heavy one. Katie searched all the trees in her yard and the neighbors’. “Max!” She called for him, but he never came. “Max!!” No answer, no peep, no sounds of wings. Katie stayed outside for a long while looking at the sky. She wasn’t looking for him anymore, just at where he was. She understood that Max had flown home.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Like like like like like.

A few semesters back I realized I didn't have a declared Minor. I don't really understand clusters, non wanted to deal with figuring them out, so one day (quite on a whim) I walked into my advisory's class and declared English as my Minor. Since then life has become a rich swirl or books, writing classes, creative activities to teach proper technique and stretch me as a writer and sparknotes.
I have a love for poetry and a respect for people whom are well read and understand language. Language is pretty important I guess--it's kind of how anyone ever knows anything about us. Not even kind of, it is.
I have been successful i to avoid words like "dude", "gay", and "retarded". I've since learned some synonyms that easily remedied the situation, but there is one more parasite word that I can't shake.
Why is it so hard to use "LIKE" in the proper context? It's not that I don't understand where it belongs in a spoken sentance, but anytime by brain even slows down it goes right to "like like like like like."

Please slap me if i ever use like in a sentence other that a confirmation of something I have an interest in and "like", or when to things are similar or different like unto each other or not.

I'm not as dumb as i sound, i promise.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Party in the USA

I am trying to see if I know someone in or from all 50 states:

1. Alabama Jill Fleming
2. Alaska Zack Stout
3. Arizona Kara Kartchner
4. Arkansas Uncle John
5. California Madison Carver
6. Colorado Brady Smith
7. Connecticut
8. Delaware
9. Florida
10. Georgia Saychelle Rincon
11. Hawaii I had a class with a girl from Hawaii once....
12. Idaho Dallin Weeks
13. Illinois Kara (Old R.S. president)
14. Indiana Amy Doll Marie Benkenstein
15. Iowa Jennifer my old roommate
16. Kansas
17. Kentucky Alli Bennet
18. Louisiana
19. Maine
20. Maryland
21. Massachusetts Tlyer
22. Michigan Monica Fix
23. Minnesota My Family
24. Mississippi
25. Missouri
26. Montana The Winn Twins
27. Nebraska The new neighbours across the street
28. Nevada Alicia
29. New Hampshire
30. New Jersey Diane
31. New Mexico Shela
32.New York Jane Amadu
33. North Carolina Tutu
34.North Dakota
35. Ohio Drew Grella
36. Oklahoma Zach Gibson
37. Oregon Maximilian Simnitt
38. Pennsylvania Meredith
39. Rhode Island
40. South Carolina Kendal
41. South Dakota
42. Tennessee Alex Fisher?
43. Texas Brit
44. Utah Mason West
45. Vermont
46.Virginia Sara Cabrera
47. Washington The Brooks
48. West Virginia
49. Wisconsin The Buxtons
50. Wyoming

Riddle me this...

How come we always take advantage of our time with people until they are out of our lives for a very long time?
How come I never clean my room even though it's a disaster?
How come home feels less and less so the older you get?
How come sometimes you cant get through this week/semester/year fast enough, and other times you just want the moon to stop in the sky and let you live in the moment a bit longer?
How come Narnia doesn't exist when it's 4 am and you have hours of homework ahead of you and all you want to do is go to Narnia so you can sleep and not waste any time in the real world?
How come when books or movies move us it never last longer than a week or so?
How come we can't take responsibility for our own downfalls and sorrows and DO something about it?
How come we put faith in people who let us down time after time?
How come James Franco will never be in my address book?
How come 20 can feel so old and so young at the same time?
How come I have never been on a road trip without my parents?
How come Europe has to be 30 hours away by plane?
How come we can't have dogs at school?
How come I am crazy enough to have fits of depression, but not crazy enough to have a dog at school?
How come taco bell doesn't exist outside of America?
How come we even use the phrase "how come" when logically and linguistically it kind of doesn't make any sense...?
How come Pinkerton is 3 states away?
How come Oliver will never trust us?
How come people abuse animals?
How come five months seems like forever and nothing at all?
How come Cupcakes are so grood?

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Bucket List

This weekend I did major damage to my bucket list....

-I rode a Segway
-I played Fugitive
-I Ghost Rode the Whip

Sometimes i really worry that I am getting old and boring.
This weekend breathed a little bit of life back into me.

Ghost ride the whip!

...Don't worry mom, this is about how ghost we rode it



Thursday, June 10, 2010

why are you so far away from me?

I need help and you're way across the sea.


I know I like to play the victim card and pretend that I have had just the WORST friends ever in my life (it's true there have been some terrible ones).  However, it is also true that I have had some of the most AMAZING friends there could be for someone like me.  Ones that will stay up all night with me and then go watch the sunruse in porter park, ones that let me pull the car over to get out and look at the stars even if its freezing and its already close to 4 am and were in the middle of nowhere utah, ones that will look at picture after picture after picture of animals with me and not tell me they are bored, ones that can handle me when I get into my funks, ones that can handle me when I get crazy, ones that truely love me for ME.  I am not sure I would be the person I am today without them...

FIRST, there is Amy Doll Marie Benkenstein, and she is my best friend.
Her name says it all--she is a doll.
She is getting married very soon, and even though that means I have to share her with Jeff now I am glad to do it because I have never seen Amy this happy.
We met in a class out first semester.  I awkwardly broke th
e ice by telling her I liked the vans sticker on her notebook.  A few days later we went on our first bestie date, and pretty much have been BFFL ever since.  

NEXT is Maximilian Simnitt.  He is a very cute boy.
Communication with him is a little rough since he is on a mission right now, but he was my first example of a boy who cared
 about the church as much as he cared about having fun.  He cares just as much about fashion, music, and animals.
His favorite dog is a bulldog, he is in Hawaii right now, I don't write him as often as I should, and letters from him are a high point.
He gets home in five months.

Christine Leigh Fleming.
Dubbed "Beaner" by those who know her best after confusion over her race and ethnicity, she is one of the greatest examples to me I have ever had.  We fought a lot when we were younger, but I think that is pretty normal.  I am only here at BYU-I because of her and I am only going on a mission because of her.  She is the light that leads me without even trying to be.  
She is also on a mission right now, and will also be home in five months.
Five months from now will be an exciting
 time in my life.

Me and Cody met out first semester when we lived in the dorms together, we then lived together for two semesters in Colonial.  We have had some pretty good times and some good talks.  She is an example to me of strength and faith.

Monica was my first roommate in college.  Even though we were about as different as oil and water, we got along and had a lot of fun together.  She help me get over some issues I didn't even know I was having!  She was my first friend in college, as well as one of the first solid friends i have ever had.

There have been more, and more entries are bound to come later, I just feel like i need to express--even if it is just to the universe--how greatful i am for good friends.