After watching Kathy Lee Griffith judge toddler pageants the other day I had the latest episode is a series of epiphanies I have been having lately. They started in France under the Eiffel tower, got really intense in Italy and continued through Austria, and into Spain. From there, they followed me all the way back to America and now to Minnesota. They consisted of realizations about how greatly expansive the human capacity to create and learn and help is and also provided me with a tidbit of what there really is out there for me. It's a terrible tragedy to realize you are nearly 21 years old and living an extremely blessed life that a lot of people around the world would die to live in, and I merely deign to exist in.
I'm sick of letting my anxiety build a colorless life around me that I am forced to live in. It might be true that people will always be as stupid as they were in High School, but that doesn't mean I have to be one of them. It's time to shake my demons for good and reinvent myself and let it be. The past, like all things that are not with us anymore, should remain buried--in the past. Learn from it, yes, and cherish the good times like precious treasures, but don't dwell on it or let it be your glory days. This is my path to self-reincarnation and rebirth and the first step commences in about half an hour.
I have three physical goals and three spiritual/personality goals that I have set for myself to pave the way to who I think I need to be and who I want to be (concluding as well as I can that this too is who God wants and needs me to be.)
I'm sick of putting myself on the D-list in my own life, so I'm about to take action and get on my own A-List. I might not get on other peoples, but after all it's one mountain at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day, but I can tell you first hand the end result is totally worth it--even the skeletal ruins of what it once was are worth the extra effort.
UPDATE (2:46 P.M.):
Phase one of Part one: